JOKE thread (tawanan muna tau)

Grabe! Biruin mo, 150,000 pesos daw, hot oil lang! 150,000 pesos ang

rebonding! Sobra naman yang David's Salon na yan! - Rapunzel.

Secretary saw her boss' pant's zip open, she tells him, "Sir your Garage
door is open."
Boss : Did U see my FERRARI?
Secretary :No, all I saw was a small scooter with 2 punctured wheels.

VERY Bad Tagalog Translations for English Movie Titles

1. Black Hawk Down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. Dead Man's Chest - dodo ng patay
3. I Know What You Did Last Summer - uyy... aminin!
4. Love, Actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. Million Dollar Baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. The Blair Witch Project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. Mary Poppins - si mariang may putok
8. Snakes on a Plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. The Postman Always Rings Twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. Sum of All Fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. Swordfish - talakitok
12. Pretty Woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. Robinhood, Men in Tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. Four Weddings & a Funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. Click - isang pindot ka lang
18. Brokeback Mountain - may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala /bumigay sa bundok
19. The Day of the Death - ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. Waterworld - basang-basa
21. There's Something About Mary - may kwan sa ano ni maria
22. Employee of the Month - ang sipsip
23. Resident Evil - ang biyenan
24. Kill Bill - kilitiin sa bilbil
25. The Grudge - lintik lang ang walang ganti
26. Nightmare Before Christmas - binangungot sa noche buena
27. Annie Hall - ang butas ni annie
28. Never Been Kissed - pangit kasi
29. Gone in 60 Seconds - 1 round, tulog
30. The Fast and the Furious - ang bitin, galit
31. Too Fast, Too Furious - kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
32. Dude, Where's my Car - dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
33. Beauty and the Beast - ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya
34. The Lord of the Rings - ang alahero

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

Filipino/English to Japanese translations:

Manok - Sekken
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Stereo - Akai
Cook - Giza-giza
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
This - Itto
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto.
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!!

Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.

Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.

Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US. Ito, nagpadala ng
picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na
ito,
natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.

Wife: Walanghiya!
Husband: Walanghiya ka rin!
Wife: Tanga!
Husband: Tanga ka rin!
Wife: cute!
Husband: cute ka rin!
Wife: Supot!
Husband: Wala namang ganyanan...


pagod na ako next tym naman